Young Girl on Train: “So, how do you like San Francisco so far?”

Eliott: “Eh, It’s a little gay, but it’s okay.”

Eric’s roommate, Andrew: “DUDE. You cannot go around saying that here.”

I didn’t go into San Francisco with any expectations, but I had always hear that it was a great place to live and visit. I was a little disappointed.

I was staying with my buddy Eric in Palo Alto. This meant that each day I wanted to go into the city, I would have to make a thirty mile trek north. The traffic getting there was never bad, but driving within the city was terrible. Pedestrians were everywhere, drivers were beyond dumb, and the streetcars held up traffic both uphill and downhill. Parking was damn near impossible to find, unless you wanted to pay your price in food for the day for it. In Chinatown, parking was so rare that I had to park in front of Larry Flint’s Hustler Club. Now that’s bad.

I must also note that San Francisco has more iPad ads per square mile than any other place in the world. This definitely contributes to the city’s self-absorbed image. Although I went in with an open mind, I found that the people did play up to the role depicted in South Park, loving the smell of their own farts at every opportunity. The few people I met who were not tourists, but actually from the city, were snobbish schmucks. The weather was unexpectedly terrible; the closer to the city I got, the foggier and colder it became. Nights were in the high fifties, a very uncharacteristic trait for summer in central California.

It wasn’t all bad, though. The city is actually very un-American in style, which was a nice change. AT&T Park, where the Giants play, is very nice, but like the rest of the city, batshit expensive. Golden Gate Park is a very nice area to get lost in and play an ocarina in the middle of the woods. And the botanical gardens were wicked sweet. Oh, and Ghirardelli Chocolate…mmm….

I don’t have much else to say about San Francisco. It simply wasn’t for me. There are many other areas, like Mountain View and San Jose, but Google owns them all.

Here are some assorted pictures from my stay

Katomon

The Good Guys in Oakland

Supporting Kenny Powers' MVP campaign

I ran into my childhood idols along the way.

Crazyass flowers in Golden Gate Park

Obligatory Golden Gate Bridge picture, which took my five years of Spanish classes to acquire.

Google bike!

You could buy a pen with their logo for thirty bucks, and that's about all you can do here.

EVERYBODY was using an iPhone. I wonder if any of them got reception.

The best part of AT&T Park: A Build-A-Bear in-stadium.

[Note] I’ve grown tired of the format of this blog. I don’t like the way in which I am updating once a week or after I have left the location which I’m writing about. By doing this I feel like I am losing many of the details and feelings that I experienced when I was there. Instead, I will update with smaller posts more often, and with more humor. So after this post, expect something different than a summary.

The San Diego Zoo is thought to be the be-all end-all of  zoos. For the avid zoo enthusiast, it is the mecca of animal conservation. So when I came into San Diego, there was no way I could pass it up.

I spent five-and-a-half hours at the zoo, because it’s layout was very confusing to navigate. Oh, and it was fucking huge. There were many animals there that I have never seen, particularly types of lizards and turtles. But at the end of it all, I think I’ve finally outgrown zoos. Although I don’t ever think I’ll get tired of seeing rhinoceroses, I’m now no longer surprised when I see primates, giraffes, big cats, and your typical zoo animals. Many of the animals are tired or have no longer display the mystic wild wonder that once made them so enticing to me. Although cute, I can only stare at sleeping koalas, bears, pygmy hippos for so long (by the way, koalas are marsupials, not bears). Also, I really hate giraffes and flamingos, and there always seems to be a big deal about them at the zoo. Screw them.

These three exhibits were only tolerable for so long.

But these guys always rule. Closest I've ever gotten.

The San Diego Zoo was in a huge cultural park known as Balboa Park, whose dozen or so museums represent the Spanish roots of the city. When I was walking around, I stumbled upon a huge organ in the middle of the park. I found out that a concert for this Spreckels Organ was soon going to be taking place, so I sat, waited, and enjoyed.

Later in the week, I was reminded that the annual San Diego Comic Con, the biggest nerd convention in the world, was going to be taking place the same week that I was there. I scrambled to find myself a ticket, as they had been sold out for months before my arrival. Luckily, I found a kid on Craigslist that was selling his and I jumped on it. I was going to go on Thursday.

I registered the ticket in my name and Wednesday night went to pick up my entry badge in advance. The pickup was at a hotel, and when I got there, people were already lined up around the block. I was amazed and disgusted by what I saw in the line. People come from all over the world for this event, but the most disgusting people there are from our own country. The body odors and hygiene in that line were reprehensible. I was stuck behind one woman, who had a tiny face, buck teeth, and jello arms beyond anything I have ever imagined, for the whole night. It was a chilling premonition of my time at Comic Con. Surprisingly, every once in a while a hunny appeared. But not surprisingly, said hunny was always hanging on to some guy who was walking around with his hand in her pocket to show her off. Ah, nerd mating tactics.

The event itself was great. There were thousands of people there, but they took much better care of their bodily functions on Thursday than on the day before. All sorts of comic companies, retailers, television networks, and video game companies littered the show floor. You could stumble upon any sort of merchandise from the rarest comic in the world to that cherished Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy you used to play with when you were young- still in its package. Going to see the panels, where celebrities or people who worked within the industry, were worth the admission alone.

"You're fucking out."

Marvel's Booth

Classic

Listening to composer Danny Elfman

Check out all these gems.

The recently found first-appearance of Superman, which I think is worth more than the Bailout plan.

Hey, look. It's Stan Lee. He's crazy.

I played the Spider-Man game that is coming out later this year. Surprise: it doesn't suck.

Batsuit from "The Dark Knight."

I don't know what this was for, but it made me laugh.

Lego Spongebob!

Not for jabronis.

After the convention, I had to move out of San Diego. I travelled northeast, to Joshua Tree National Park. There, armed with a camera, a Quizno’s sub, and an ocarina, I had a great night in solitude. It was nice to be back in the desert. But once my lips started splitting open again, I knew it was time to move one.

This is a Joshua Tree.

I don't like this pose, but I like the rest of it.

First, let me say that I did not stay in Los Angeles itself. Instead, I stayed in Santa Monica, a western suburb, with my sixth-to-eighth grade Super Smash Bros. rival, Tony, his brother Charlie, and his roommate, Eli. I was fortunate to have such a good friend as Tony and known Charlie long enough to be on his good side, because Santa Monica was an incredibly nice city, and lodging in L.A. isn’t the least damaging thing on one’s wallet.

There’s a lot to be said about my first twenty hours in Santa Monica. The streets are hilly and fun to walk through (and cause a good burn in the calves), traffic is light on the side streets and heavy on the main ones at all times. The people were standoffish, but were as friendly as a 1960’s milkman compared to those that walk the streets of Los Angeles and Beverly Hills. The sky is blue, but there is no sun. But the air is so, so fresh and tasty.

The first thing that I noticed about Santa Monica was all the wonderful smells that I was experiencing. And it’s really difficult to describe. Throughout the week, I couldn’t stop commenting to Tony about how great everything smelled around me. Flowers line all the side streets; every residence is surrounded by brilliant splendors of yellows, pinks, reds, whites, and greens. I never rushed my way up the stairs into the apartment, fearing that I would deprive myself of the scents that were limited by my short weeklong stay. Moisture in the air from the Pacific Ocean was a most welcome change from my past two weeks in the desert. My skin always felt cool, even if I was hot. A cool breeze periodically blows the trees, which brings the brilliance of the vast Pacific into your senses.

The walkway

Sentimentality aside, I had a really enjoyable week in L.A. Although I came into the city with no real agenda, I did have high expectations. This is because L.A. is a place that I have dreamed about for years. Much of the music I’ve listened to all my life comes from there (Red Hot Chili Peppers, Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age, Weezer, The Doors), and nearly every show or movie I’ve ever seen has been made there. Before I even got there, I was planning on hand-delivering cover letters and résumés to different employers (which I eventually did). But throughout the week, Tony and my father helped me see that I should drop all expectations and enjoy myself. So I did, and savored every minute of it.

The week was met with great results. I made some new friends, and even met some old friends from way back when. I’ll give you a run-down of each day I was there.

Friday

Came in early on Friday evening. Went out on the town with Tony. Tony made his best attempts with the ladies, many which I had to apologize for.

Saturday

Had my first taste of the Pacific Ocean and hit up the Venice boardwalk, which was just a short walk from Santa Monica. Laughed at all the characters up and down the place.

The latest in ghetto fab fashion- pythons

In the evening, we bought some burgers and gave our best shot at finding some sort of oceanside camping site. We drove all the way up Highway 1 through Malibu, but due to the sheer amounts of people in L.A., every campground we came to was without a vacant site.

Tony was obviously disappointed with the outcome.

We decided to make a reservation for later in the week. Later that night, we met with an old friend from high school, Martha. She followed my travels through this site, got in touch with me, and we had a night out in Hermosa Beach. Props to Martha!

Sunday

Made it out to Dodger Stadium to see our hometown team, the Cubs, make a valiant effort at losing. Thirty bucks for an all-you-can eat bleacher seat. How can you go wrong?

Plenty of Cubs fans around, but never as many runs on the board.

Once the game was over, we headed over to West Hollywood to meet another one of my friends, this time from college, Jerico. We caught up, planned to hang out, and went our separate ways.

Middle school and college worlds collide.

Monday

Spent the day exploring Santa Monica and in the evening took a walk to the pier at sunset. Ended the day with some fine Mexican cuisine.

Tuesday

For much of the morning, I was hard at work on my computer submitting job applications and hand-writing cover letters that I planned on delivering to local offices later in the day. However, I got so frustrated with myself because I was in the same city as the MLB All-Star Game, and was passing up on the opportunity that I had dreamed of for so long. Going to the game would accomplish two goals from the bucket list: seeing an All-Star game as well as visiting Angel Stadium (I’ve been a follower of the team for years). I got to the point where I was yelling at myself for not going, and made the hard decision to hunt for tickets. It was only five hours away from the start of the game, so I had to really hustle. After a few unsuccessful calls to suspicious Mexican scalpers on Craigslist, I went to the official source. Much to my surprise, the game wasn’t sold out. I made my purchase, got on my shoes, and sped away to Angel Stadium.

On the way, I passed through Beverly Hills and blasted Weezer’s “Beverly Hills.” Yes, I’m that guy.

Behold: The 2010 MLB All-Stars

But this is the only guy you should care about.

In the end, I was more than glad I went. I saw the first NL victory in sixteen years. Afterwards, through Jerico’s help, I got in to the All-Star after party and stuffed my face with free food galore, and brought back some peppers and a pineapple for my gracious hosts in Santa Monica.

Wednesday

On Wednesday, it was back to business. I did more job work in the morning, and later made my office rounds throughout the city. One stop was the L.A. office of video game developer Square Enix. Their office was littered with collectibles and posters of their company’s illustrious history. Take a blurry look at some of their décor:

Final Fantasy VII and Kingdom Hearts figures

Thursday

It was a simple day. I hit the beach and watched the surfers, then I walked around and smelled the flowers. Got to be thankful for the little things.

That night, Tony and I made another attempt at camping. However, due to procrastination no reservation was made, and yet again, all the campsites were full. L.A. is way too overpopulated. Instead, we chilled on the beach for a long while and indulged in great conversation.

But, we got to drive on Highway 1 again, and that wasn’t so bad.

Friday

On Friday afternoon, I grabbed my New Orleans cane, called Jerico, and went up to hike the Hollywood mountain. It was a hot and sunny afternoon, but after two-and-a-half hours, we made it.

From the front

From the back (there's probably a joke in there somewhere)

Check all the security around the sign.

On the way down, we were low on water, thirsty, and exhausted. We took the same path as on the way up, or so we thought. Somehow, we came out at another entrance, which was two miles away from our car. So, we had no choice but to keep on marching until we got back.

The plan was to see Inception afterwards, but, once again, L.A. had too many people, and we couldn’t see the film. I made my way back to Tony’s, at which point we decided to hit the town one more time. After a largely unsuccessful night, we came upon a group of women partying on a balcony. They told us it was a girls-only night, but after we presented our case, they let us up. You’ll have to ask me for details to know the rest (hint: they were older and fatter than expected).

Saturday

It was my last day in L.A., so Tony and I wanted to make one last event out of my stay. We drove over to downtown Santa Monica and, at long last, made it into a daytime showing of Inception. As I expected, it was very awesome, and could be my favorite movie this year. Go see it. Now.

As I packed my car and got ready to set out, I came to realize that, after the whole week, Tony and I did not have one single picture together. So before I took off, we had one last laugh together.

Up next: San Diego.

The photo page has been updated! Click “Photos” on the top-right and click the link to see them.